If I could put into words what this first year of motherhood was like.. The most beautiful freight train smacking me straight in the face. (Read about the 13 lessons I learned in my first year of motherhood).
The past twelve months have felt a little surreal. A bit of a dizzy dream that I could wake up from in an instant. Maybe it has been the sleep deprivation, or dips and skyrockets of hormones and emotions (postpartum anxiety is very real). Or perhaps it has something to do with the way life has so drastically and unexpectedly flipped on its head and I am still struggling to catch my breath, to keep up, to take it all in.
The early days both broke me and made me. They made me feel at my very strongest and yet at my very weakest and I wasn’t ready for just how much bringing a life into the world would up-heave everything I knew about both myself and my world. Because if I am completely honest with you, I wasn’t prepared for the realities of motherhood at all.
Now that I have emerged from the fog and have somehow found myself with a toddler, things are a heck of a lot easier. This age is just phenomenal. He’s performing new tricks every day. Making new sounds, showing off new actions, smiling at new things, exploring his temper and seeing his personality shine.
To have made it through together. He is just the best and sweetest thing that has ever happened to me and I am forever indebted to the universe for bringing him to me.
His cheeky toothy grin, the way he says ‘mama’, the way his eyes light up whenever he sees me walk through the door, the way he devours pasta and cheese with pure passion, the way he lays his little head on my chest when he gets sleepy.
He is my world.
But he’s also changed the way I view myself, I no longer believe I am capable, based purely on the gut instinct that I could or can do great things, now I know I am capable. From the moment I was calmly wheeled upstairs to Labor and Delivery, and after over 10 hours of labor, I felt strong and I knew I was a bad ass superstar.
My sweet child o’ mine,
What I wish for you today and every day,
I wish for you the joys of life to come.
I wish for you that the life you lead may be praised by God for now and always.
I wish for you the knowledge to face life as it comes.
I wish for you hope and wisdom that we will work so hard to instill in you,
to know the difference between right and wrong
I wish for you all the dreams and hopes that you could ever imagine.